Jokes anyone?

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tjcdas
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Re: Jokes anyone?

#46

Post by tjcdas » Wed Apr 08, 2020 8:12 pm

A man went to visit his 90 year old uncle who lived on a very secluded farm in the Florida Panhandle. He had not seen his uncle in over 20 years, because the uncle only left the farm for groceries and doctor’s appointments, and never ventured far from his farm. The two men spent hours chatting the night away, and finally went to bed after midnight.

Early the next morning, his uncle prepared a wonderful country breakfast of bacon, eggs, biscuits, and hash-browns. As he finished his breakfast the man noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his uncle asking, “Are these plates clean?” His uncle replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal!”

For lunch the old man grilled up some hamburgers. Again, the man was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?” Without looking up the old man said, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!”

Later that afternoon, as the man was packing his car to leave, his Uncle’s dog came out from under the front porch. The dog started to growl, and bear his teeth, with the hair standing up on his back as the man tried to go back in the house and wouldn’t let him pass. John yelled and said, “Uncle Ned, your dog won’t let me come back in the house.” Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted,
“COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!’
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Re: Jokes anyone?

#47

Post by The Sultan of SoWhat » Tue May 05, 2020 9:15 pm

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Re: Heads Up! I Saw A Bargain Here! 2020

#48

Post by tjcdas » Wed May 06, 2020 6:30 pm

Rocat wrote:
Wed May 06, 2020 6:02 pm
Every time I see this brand name, the only word that comes to mind is Gerbil.

mongo-gerbil-dor1034646-resized-56a2bd063df78cf77279629d.jpg
TheJohnP wrote:
Wed May 06, 2020 4:25 pm
For this price, I would say spend a little more and get an NTH.

But a deal is a deal, especially compared to Gevril's inflated MSRP and this is the lowest price I can find for this Sub homage.
Gevril Wall Street Diver Automatic on Bracelet, model # 4857B
Sale price is $562.48
List price is $3,495

https://www.nordstromrack.com/shop/prod ... lor=SILVER

Image
Image


Model page from Gevril - https://www.gevril.com/products/gevril- ... elet-watch

Specs:
- 43mm 316L Stainless Steel Satin finish case, Unidirectional rotating bezel
- Screw down Crown with Gevril Logo
- Magnified Lens, Luminous real indices on dial, Luminous hands, Black Ceramic Bezel
- Sapphire Domed Anti-glare Crystal
- Stainless Steel Bracelet with folding Deployment Closure
- Water resistant to 200 Meters/20 ATM
- Swiss Automatic 3 Hands, ETA 2824 Movement/Sellita SW200
Two gerbils in a pet shop are talking and one says to the other: 'If Richard Gere comes in tell him you're a hamster.'
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Re: Jokes anyone?

#49

Post by WhaleTail » Wed May 06, 2020 7:18 pm

3 soldiers in the same high security prison cell were brought out separately with their hands tied behind their back to be interrogated, a French, an English and an Italian.
It took only 5 min for the French soldier to confess everything, and 15 min for the English to spill the beans.
An hour passed by and the Italian finally was taken back to the cell, bruises all over and his guards were visibly frustrated and upset.

Did you talk? Asked his cell mates, “I wanted to after the first minute of torture but I couldn’t... they tied my hands behind my back” answered the Italian.


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Re: Jokes anyone?

#50

Post by The Sultan of SoWhat » Sat May 16, 2020 5:29 pm

A pageant was presented before the British Sovereign in which actors portrayed Clio, Euterpe, Thalia, Melpomene, Terpsichore, Erato, Polymnia, Urania, and Calliope.

Queen Victoria was not amused.
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Re: Jokes anyone?

#51

Post by The Sultan of SoWhat » Thu May 21, 2020 1:42 pm

The mayor of my town ends his robocalls with a bad joke. But today he came up with a good one:


I was walking my dog and a guy from the cable company was working outdoors.

He asked me the time.

I told him, “Between 8AM and 2PM."
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Jokes anyone?

#52

Post by WhaleTail » Sat Jul 11, 2020 1:19 pm

Two blondes in the swimming pool:

“I have mastered the backstroke but I cannot get the breaststroke to work, what am I doing wrong?”

“Show me” asked the second blond.

And the first blonde started to wabble the upper torso.



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Jokes anyone?

#53

Post by WhaleTail » Tue Sep 01, 2020 11:17 pm

After coming home a male Iraq war vet went job hunting and landed at the Post Office.

Interviewer: you have an awesome resume; you served your country well and got an honorable discharge.

Vet: thanks, I have been eager to work.

Interviewer: any disabilities or allergies we need to accommodate?

Vet: as a matter of fact, I lost both my testicles in an IED incident and I am allergic to coffee.

Interviewer: not a problem at all, can you start tomorrow?

Vet: sure, what time?

Interviewer: we start at 8, but you can start at 10.

Vet: how come?

Interviewer: here at the Post Office we spend the first two hours everyday drinking coffee and scratching our balls.


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Re: Jokes anyone?

#54

Post by Sussa » Wed Sep 02, 2020 7:53 pm

Someone at Bergeon has jokes when it comes to assigning part numbers to products.
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I hear you can order two with part number 80085.
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Re: Heads Up! I Saw A Bargain Here! 2020

#55

Post by BruceR » Wed Nov 11, 2020 7:27 am

tjcdas wrote:
Wed May 06, 2020 6:30 pm

Two gerbils in a pet shop are talking and one says to the other: 'If Richard Gere comes in tell him you're a hamster.'
You know that Richard Gere thing with the gerbil never happened? On a serious note, Richard Gere was recently in the hospital. He had a mole removed.
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